You know one of those handy little buttons you could push when you realize that you’ve totally f-d up?

That silent internal battle cry that leaves you wanting to wave that white flag…but knowing no one cares or is watching?

Or after you’ve found yourself swirling in a pool of your own snot and tears and wondered how the heck you got here, and dammit – THIS isn’t how it was supposed to go!?

Yes, yes ..and erhm…yes?

Trust me when I say..I’ve been there..and yes..even though I get signs and messages like everyone else, (turn this way, 5 steps to the right, two steps back…miss a turn)..

Often we realize..much later than we’d like,  that yes..we are indeed on the right path, but we’re like – the last ones to know.

It is usually only in that tear-your-eyeballs-out hindsight that you realize that yes…that was super sucky, and totally a not fun ride (I’d like a refund please), but that it was super important and of course meant to be.

Because if it didn’t happen you’d still..

be stuck in that crap shoot of a relationship that you just couldn’t pull yourself away from..

or

you’d still be working for that boss that didn’t value you enough and was in constant need of a xanax

or

you never would have realized how spun out or far away you actually were to what you really wanted… (to what was ultimately best for you..much to your chagrin)

It is only in hindsight sometimes that we can see that..even though we would have totally loved to have pressed that do-over button..that we wouldn’t have realized that thing, had that experience, or really just gotten the point of it all..

Even though it was hard, REALLY hard, embarrassing and is probably only a story we’d tell after we’ve gotten a margarita or two into us.

The wince-worthy, sometimes sane, always on-point truth of it is…

That life isn’t at all what we pictured it to be and while that may seem like super bummer, its also a good thing right?

Because the white picket fence isn’t all its cracked up to be.

And figuring yourself out, your path, your gifts, your extra 10 lbs of perfectly imperfect
..

Well THAT is the path right? It IS the purpose..

And its all there for you. Like written, directed, and filmed by you, for you, and only you.

SO you could see it, be it, experience it..totally as yourself, without any external input.

And while that may have forced you to buy stock in kleenex, or have one too many netflix marathons over a pint of B&J’s

It’s also super beautiful isn’t it..

It reminds me of the Leonard Cohen Song, Anthem..specifically –

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack, a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in.”

As we learn and ultimately know ourselves through our ‘mistakes’ and misperceptions, as we dismantle our beliefs and stories piece by piece, what remains is flawed yes..but also softened, human and real.

And in that realness is your beauty.

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ‘Wow! What a Ride!” – Hunter S. Thompson

That is where our exhilaration comes from, where we feel the beat of our heart in our chests, where we know the steps we are taking now we’re taking fully, completely without knowing what lies ahead but feeling the pulse in our bodies knowing that this IS our path, even if it doesn’t feel clear or make one bit of sense and we are fully leaping into it, with everything we have.

Because clarity comes only through ACTION.

KNOWING that ‘mistakes’ are part of the process, KNOWING we don’t have it all together and nor should we, and if we do it RIGHT, we never will.

Knowing that our lives are meant to be a walking contradiction.

and…

Knowing that if they’re not..if we haven’t lived with that heart-pumping trepidation, WTF on a daily, moment to moment basis that we aren’t really living, that we aren’t using up this life we’ve been given to its fullest potential.

And that means being willing to make mistakes, being willing to be seen as a flake, or a quack, or disorganized or whatever else it is that you feel holds you back..

There are no experts, there are only those who jump into the adventure with full abandon knowing that failure is not only inevitable, it’s part of the plan, and those who hold back, super-imposing a set of non-existent rules on to their life plan, and stifling their voice out of fear of how it might look.

And we both know..that’s not you..if it was, you wouldn’t have opened this email, or read this far.

If you’ve been waiting for permission to roar, permission to set it on fire, permission to walk away, permission to fully accept, permission to be YOU in all your wacky weirdness..

This is it..

This is YOUR anthem…

This is your ticket to ride…

And I hope that you will do it with a daring bolt of glory, giving it all you’ve got, and skid in on that cloud of smoke, leaving an indistinguishable trail behind you.

And the only one in the audience who matters…is you.

Ride on <3

Vanessa xx